Article written by R. Brian Denning from The Gap Partnership
Consider this scenario: you’re ravenous, and you adore chocolate (this might not be a far-fetched scenario for some). A tantalizing chocolate bar is placed before you. The person presenting you with this chocolate delight tells you that you can consume the chocolate right now (your stomach grumbles in agreement).
However, if you can wait for 15 minutes, you’ll receive two chocolate bars to enjoy at your leisure. You’re left alone with your thoughts as the clock ticks away. Would you wait, or would you opt for the ‘sure thing’ right in front of you?
Now, recall your last, lengthy, exhausting negotiation. You’re on the brink of agreeing to a deal, and the meeting time is almost up. This is a significant opportunity, and you don’t want to lose too much value or the deal itself, so stress levels are soaring. Your counterpart mentions they have another meeting shortly and asks, ‘do we have a deal?’ How do you respond as your heart rate accelerates, and you visualize time slipping away like sand in an hourglass? If you’re like most people, you hastily agree to the deal to alleviate your stress, give a nervous chuckle, and smile while shaking hands. Your inner voice questions, ‘Was that the best deal possible, or did I rush into it?’
Both scenarios mirror Dr. Walter Mischel’s Stanford study. He placed 4-year-olds in a room, gave them each a marshmallow, and observed who could delay gratification in exchange for a larger reward in 15 minutes. To determine the lifelong impact of a ‘delaying’ mindset, Dr. Mischel tracked the children in the study for over 40 years. He found that ‘delaying’ kids exhibited a higher level of executive function and control. The observed ‘delayers’ grew into “adults who were more likely to finish college, have higher incomes, and less likely to become overweight.”
During your negotiations, do you struggle with delaying gratification, or are you content with seizing a certain, albeit less than optimal, outcome? If you’re not a ‘delayer’ by nature, Dr. Mischel notes “it is a teachable, learned skill,” which can enhance your negotiation outcomes.
The influence of diminishing time can be a potent lever during negotiations. Your ability to resist the universal ‘Crescendo Effect’ that occurs when you’re running out of time is crucial to negotiation success. Understand that if you’re stressed and emotionally invested when finalizing a deal, you will leave value on the table. Remember, the other party is as stressed or more stressed than you are. Leverage your counterpart’s stress, signal rejection of their proposals, use silence to heighten time pressures, and stay alert for any non-verbal cues from your counterpart.
Rejection has a profound impact on negotiation. When you reject someone’s proposal(s), their amygdala registers physical pain, which is felt on a subconscious level (Sapolsky, 2017). When rejected, the other party will try to reduce their subconscious pain immediately. This rush to gain approval can cause them to make irrational proposals they would not normally extend.
Coupling this temporary ‘pain phase’ with silence can yield powerful results. When negotiating, remember to slow down, observe nonverbal cues, and track clusters of non-verbal responses throughout to determine if you are optimizing your deal.
So, how can you communicate rejection one last time to secure the best deal when under pressure from limited time?
- Self-awareness is the first step. Be aware of your stress level, emotions, and resolve not to agree to a deal before time runs out. Don’t think and talk simultaneously.
- Before the negotiation, visualize saying ‘no’ when you can say ‘yes.’ Think through your behaviors and how you will act, how your counterparty might react, how you will counter, etc.
- Suppress your ‘fight or flight’ stress response. Smile and keep your eyes on your counterpart. Push your personal stress boundaries in your negotiations. When you can agree to a deal (especially if the other party is extending their hand), say ‘no’ one more time and make another proposal. Consciously shape your behavior to meet your negotiation needs.
- Realize that if the other party is still sitting at the negotiation table, they are still interested. Become confident in your negotiation abilities to maximize the value of your deals.
- Examine your previous negotiations with honest scrutiny to determine hypothetically “how much more could I have achieved if I had not agreed, and instead countered with a creative proposal?”
Have the courage to say ‘no’ one more time at the end of your next negotiation – it is a low-cost and high-reward action. Remember to get into the other party’s head with your counterproposal after the ‘no’ to maximize your deal.
Manage your negotiation behaviors…and prepare to receive compliments from your onlooking co-workers. I’d wish you good luck, but we don’t rely on luck. We rely on over-preparing and consciously managing our negotiation behaviors to maximize profits.
